Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
