no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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