I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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