Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
