She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
