This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
