i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
