i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
