you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
