Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
