apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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