i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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