K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
