Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
