I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
