you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
