you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
