You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
