You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
