when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
how drunk are you?
Several
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
