oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
