I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
