I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
