Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
