I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
