I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
