what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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