he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
