True but thats because hes a fetus.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
