You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
