Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
