porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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