Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
