oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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