dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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