and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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