____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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