I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
