Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
