shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
