no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
