I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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