I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
