Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
