You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
