i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
