So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
