Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
