and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
