There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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