the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize