is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
